1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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