I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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