I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
