Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
