hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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