I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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