Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
