So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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