I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
