True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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