We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
