Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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