i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
