Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
