Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
