Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The power of my boobs compel you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
