NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
