I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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