Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
