i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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