my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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