Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
