i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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