so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
