i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
