I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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