I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
