I'm really into asian looking animals
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
