office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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