dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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