I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
