dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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