Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My penis needs a shock collar
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
