my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
how drunk are you?
Several
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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