The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
