I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
