have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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