It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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