He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
