we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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