my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
