i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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