I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
