Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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