shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
