Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
