i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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