what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
