it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
