I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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