am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
