remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
