The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
