repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
